Great green meanie

Why does mommy always have to be the 'tough guy?' The police officer, the law enforcement, the mean guy, the punishment provider? I mean, here I am, before even punishments can be doled out, feeling like the bad guy.

I'm talking about being firm and 'training' the kids not to play me. I'm talking about being the only one who can resist a temper tantrum thrower until they're done. Somehow, I end up feeling like the mean mommy seeing as how I won't let Grandma pick the screaming fit thrower up and Grandpa has already left the room.

Not to mention that I have the least patience in any situation where whining, fussing, sobbing, squealing or angry yelling is going on. Yes, I know, it's easier to be patient when you get to go home at the end of the day, but its only just beginning!

So it seems to carry on, this age old tradition of mom being the bad guy who metes out the punishment or the mean rules that don't allow you to pick up my wailing child. I guess it's really because we can read them so well. I know perfectly well the difference between a tantrum and real upset. I am perfectly comfortable sitting with them during the tantrum but there will be no comforting, patting, picking up, entertaining, or sweet talk. These kids gotta work it out themselves and they had better catch on quick that momma ain't buying that basket of goods. But why do I feel so mean?

Nurse...nurse?

Someone tell me, what is the point of putting one's elderly parent in a facility with nurses on staff if they don't do, well, nursing? I understand that what we are paying for is an assisted living facility, not a nursing home. I understand that my mom is there because she can care for herself. Mostly. However, I know there are sicker people there than her (at least physically) and I know the nurses must check up on them occasionally, I know the nurses are actual medical nurses too. So how can they be fine when a woman is descending into her 80th round of pneumonia just faxing a request to her doctor for some cough syrup and then forgetting about it?

I don't mean they waited a few hours. I mean they forgot about it. They faxed the doctor Friday morning. They're afraid to give her any cough syrup without his approval, which makes sense since she's on a cocktail of drugs that is hard to imagine already. However, she's had cough syrup before, so can't they just look that one up? Secondly, I understand also that Saturday and Sunday they could or would not be able to do anything because doctor offices close on the weekends. Fine. That still leaves the time between 4 and 5pm Friday to re-check why we haven't heard from anyone and be concerned that my mom will be there all weekend with nothing to assist her and THE. ENTIRE. DAY. OF. MONDAY.

Nothing happened Monday. Different nurse apparently, and apparently they don't talk to one another. Or leave post its. I mean is it real that the Monday nurse has to walk in knowing nothing from the Friday or Saturday before and figure it all out herself? And meanwhile, my mom, who is not entirely blameless herself, is slowly filling up with mucous while acting like she's fine all day. She's going to exercise class for the first time in weeks, heading over here to my house to cough all over my children and so on and doesn't think to herself, 'hmm, maybe I should call the nurse this morning to make sure they're still on the case.' No, that would be like asking for help. Which is against her personal bible of how to live life.

But I mean really! Nurse? You have a sick patient. Do you care? She is in your facility. What is your duty exactly? What are you there for? To distribute pills only? Because while you may count them out, I'm aware that you have actual assistants who carry the pills to rooms. So in between pill countings? What do you do? Read magazines? Because to fax and forget is very pharmacy of you. I fully expect a pharmacist not to care, although that pisses me off too. But you? You are supposed to act like you care about the people in the building. My mom is one of them. One of the more annoying ones perhaps, but still. Most people seem to like her. Why don't you take 5 minutes to go listen to her lungs? Call the doctor one more time. Fax them even for chrissake? Is it really too much to ask?

First priority

My mom keeps threatening to come visit me and the kids again, like she did before she became "too sick" to do so. She was always allowed to visit Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, since she moved to town and that worked for me because I'm always fine with someone else entertaining the kids for a while. Gives me a bit more free time. However, as you might expect from my previous posts, it has to come with a touch of chaos. Inevitably, she needs a taxi right as I'm fixing dinner, feeding dinner to the kids or about to take them up for bathtime. I do everything in my power to avert these type of conflicts, but she's a master. Oh, no, she's not ready to leave yet, she'll wait until after dinner. Five minutes later, while I'm actively shoving food into my triplet's faces, oh wait, she suddenly needs to leave right now because she's about to turn into a pumpkin. So what can I do? I can call her a damned cab and get her out of my hair. Even though my kids are left with a mom only paying half attention to them at dinner, it pays off in the end I suppose because she leaves.

So she calls last Saturday and says she wants to come over right now. How is it ok to not only invite yourself over but give 30 minutes notice when someone has 3 kids to care for? Is there anyone's family in which that is ok? I suppose some people like flying by the seat of their pants and don't mind drop in relatives, but then I suspect their relatives aren't nuts. I thankfully negotiated my way out of that one nicely and had a nice Saturday afternoon with the family. But come Monday I expected her to come visit and so I called her. I had her groceries and needed to know if she could take them home with her, oh no, no she would not make it to our house today because she felt so terrible, so could I bring her groceries? I hopped in the car for the 30 minute drive over intending to spend an hour visiting and get home in time for the kids coming back from the park.

"I should go home with you" she says to me when I arrive. Oh no lady. I did NOT just drive all the way down here to spend time with you and deliver your groceries only to drive you back to my house so we can spend the whole stinkin' day together. No I did not. "I have to escape this place." Dramatic, aren't we? Why mom, what is so bad? "It is just terrible here, and the food is horrible. Let's go to lunch together." So wait, you think you can go to a restaurant, sit and order a meal, eat it and come home but you can't sit in a taxi to get to my house where you could relax in a recliner in order to see the grandkids you claim are your only reason for living? Okay. How do you do that math?

So then I made some random comment about being fat because I eat due to the stress of my life and lack of time. She asks "what is so stressful, what do you have to do that takes so much time? Mess around with kids all day?" Mess around with who? What? Are you kidding me? My own mom honestly thinks that all I do is lay about and play with kids all day. How does one respond to such an offensive statement? I seethe quietly and respond "I have three kids, a husband and an ELDERLY mother to care for. It takes a lot of time mom."

It is so hard to swallow that someone can be so dense sometimes. It's like she has no idea what her words sound like. But then, since the world does revolve around her, I suppose she wouldn't. Narcissism must be nice since you never have to think about other people's problems. I could be coughing up a lung (like I was on this same Monday visit) and she would ask me the next day on the phone as if surprised "oh, are you still sick?" She called Tuesday at 1 to say she was coming over immediately because, again, she "had to get out of this place." At 3, she calls to inform me that instead of coming to visit her grandchildren, again the only reason she has to live according to her many statements, she has gotten her hair cut, and a manicure instead. She is now too tired to come over. Okay. I ask you, once again, in what world is that an ok thing to do? Say you're coming over, then call 2 hours later and say you're not after all because you decided to get a manicure?

I guess I shouldn't complain, because once again, a week has gone by and no visit from mom to my home. I should be happy that I only have 3 kids to take care of instead of 4. But I still keep shaking my head. Where do her priorities come from? Does she hear herself talking? Does she have any clue what she sounds like? I have to answer for her. No. Not. A. Clue.