Saturday, June 20, 2009

Walter the nightmare pooch

Product warning: Walter the Farting Dog, a toy we have possessed for over a year, a toy which was a mainstay of my daughter's crib because she loved it, has the potential for a total meltdown. Yes, one night, while you're watching some DVR-ed crap on TV and enjoying reading your blogs, you will hear over the baby monitor "thbthpthbthpthb." Then a minute later "thbthbtpthbbb." And again, and again. Until you decide that your daughter must have her foot on the dog, causing its unintentional flatulence at a critical juncture of the sleeping period of three, count them three, easily perturbable babies.

So you'll tip toe into their nursery, reach for the dog, right where you remembered it from checking on your daughter earlier, and at the moment you grab it you will find, to your horror, that it will go completely bezerko. Like some stuttering rap star of farting, it will begin to fart incessantly but in a staccato rhythm that is so very not conducive to sleeping triplets. Instantly you will step into hyper speed, exiting the nursery at the speed of light while praying simultaneously to every god in the pantheon that not one triplet will be disturbed by this insanity of a fart festival.

I am now sitting in my living room listening to the last and dying farts of a Walter the farting dog. Somewhat sad at it's passing, but also somewhat relieved that it is shutting the heck up after trying to wake all three of my damned babies! Heed my warning parents! This is NOT a good crib toy!

A public service announcement from yours truly.


  1. We have one of these creeptastic little demon toys @ our house, too. It randomly just starts playing this obnoxious, loud to distortion, carnival music in the middle of the night. It scares the crap outta me. Luckily the kids & Hubby sleep like the deas so it doesn't wake them at all.

  2. Oh my gosh! You are insanely hilareous! I laughed so hard I cried! I didn't even know you had a blog. Glad to have found it! :)


  3. Found you via Dana at Mommybrain, I'm laughing so hard right now it hurts! We have a talking albhabet puzzle that will randomly start spouting off letters and sounds. My DH and I are wondering if we should keep track of the letters to see if we're getting a message from the beyond, kind of like a toddler ouija board!