Friday, June 12, 2009

First priority

My mom keeps threatening to come visit me and the kids again, like she did before she became "too sick" to do so. She was always allowed to visit Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, since she moved to town and that worked for me because I'm always fine with someone else entertaining the kids for a while. Gives me a bit more free time. However, as you might expect from my previous posts, it has to come with a touch of chaos. Inevitably, she needs a taxi right as I'm fixing dinner, feeding dinner to the kids or about to take them up for bathtime. I do everything in my power to avert these type of conflicts, but she's a master. Oh, no, she's not ready to leave yet, she'll wait until after dinner. Five minutes later, while I'm actively shoving food into my triplet's faces, oh wait, she suddenly needs to leave right now because she's about to turn into a pumpkin. So what can I do? I can call her a damned cab and get her out of my hair. Even though my kids are left with a mom only paying half attention to them at dinner, it pays off in the end I suppose because she leaves.

So she calls last Saturday and says she wants to come over right now. How is it ok to not only invite yourself over but give 30 minutes notice when someone has 3 kids to care for? Is there anyone's family in which that is ok? I suppose some people like flying by the seat of their pants and don't mind drop in relatives, but then I suspect their relatives aren't nuts. I thankfully negotiated my way out of that one nicely and had a nice Saturday afternoon with the family. But come Monday I expected her to come visit and so I called her. I had her groceries and needed to know if she could take them home with her, oh no, no she would not make it to our house today because she felt so terrible, so could I bring her groceries? I hopped in the car for the 30 minute drive over intending to spend an hour visiting and get home in time for the kids coming back from the park.

"I should go home with you" she says to me when I arrive. Oh no lady. I did NOT just drive all the way down here to spend time with you and deliver your groceries only to drive you back to my house so we can spend the whole stinkin' day together. No I did not. "I have to escape this place." Dramatic, aren't we? Why mom, what is so bad? "It is just terrible here, and the food is horrible. Let's go to lunch together." So wait, you think you can go to a restaurant, sit and order a meal, eat it and come home but you can't sit in a taxi to get to my house where you could relax in a recliner in order to see the grandkids you claim are your only reason for living? Okay. How do you do that math?

So then I made some random comment about being fat because I eat due to the stress of my life and lack of time. She asks "what is so stressful, what do you have to do that takes so much time? Mess around with kids all day?" Mess around with who? What? Are you kidding me? My own mom honestly thinks that all I do is lay about and play with kids all day. How does one respond to such an offensive statement? I seethe quietly and respond "I have three kids, a husband and an ELDERLY mother to care for. It takes a lot of time mom."

It is so hard to swallow that someone can be so dense sometimes. It's like she has no idea what her words sound like. But then, since the world does revolve around her, I suppose she wouldn't. Narcissism must be nice since you never have to think about other people's problems. I could be coughing up a lung (like I was on this same Monday visit) and she would ask me the next day on the phone as if surprised "oh, are you still sick?" She called Tuesday at 1 to say she was coming over immediately because, again, she "had to get out of this place." At 3, she calls to inform me that instead of coming to visit her grandchildren, again the only reason she has to live according to her many statements, she has gotten her hair cut, and a manicure instead. She is now too tired to come over. Okay. I ask you, once again, in what world is that an ok thing to do? Say you're coming over, then call 2 hours later and say you're not after all because you decided to get a manicure?

I guess I shouldn't complain, because once again, a week has gone by and no visit from mom to my home. I should be happy that I only have 3 kids to take care of instead of 4. But I still keep shaking my head. Where do her priorities come from? Does she hear herself talking? Does she have any clue what she sounds like? I have to answer for her. No. Not. A. Clue.

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