Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The view from here

Why do people assume that just because I have triplets I am the authority on Jon & Kate or the octomom? It seems that ever since I got pregnant I've been being asked about J&K, as if perhaps that's where I got the idea to become a triplet mom? Or is it that the minute I found out I was pregnant with triplets I must have tuned into that channel to learn everything I can from the most famous multiples mom around?

I'm not saying I don't have opinions. I do. Anyone who knows me knows I have opinions. However, having triplets does not make mine carry any more weight than yours. It does not make me an expert on crazy people with multiples. Because, and listen carefully here, I AM NOT CRAZY. Therefore, I am not an expert on crazy plus multiples. Oh yes, I believe I just spilled my opinion that I think both of the above (or I guess all three?) individuals are nuts.

But the truth is that perhaps I do have some insight into these situations. Why sell your soul to the devil to make money to take care of your multiples? Because the alternative is impossible: to work full time and care for them adequately. So, perhaps a deal with the devil makes economic sense even if, in the end, the devil seems to be winning and all you may actually end up with is money and material goods.

Situation number two, what to do with all of your frozen embryos? Well, while I am plenty pro choice and do not believe that life begins at conception, but I can tell you that I became pretty darn attached to those little pre-reptiles in my uterus once they were implanted. I can claim that I never would have had more than 3 at once, but that's pretty easy to say having never had to make that decision. Had I been told they needed to put in 6 embryos to ensure one stuck, I would have taken that choice. I know that does not appear to be the situation of octomom, but what to do with one's leftover embryos? Don't sit on your high horse and claim you know what you would do unless you, yourself, have struggled through infertility and created those proto-babies on ice. I didn't make enough to freeze so I abstain from judgement of wanting to have each one get a chance at life, I just might have spread them out a wee bit more. Honestly, if you want the woman to suffer for her choice to have them all at once, do not worry. Raising multiples is not cake no matter how much help you have.

So, you have my opinions. They are not worth more than anyone else's. Now stop asking multiples' parents what they think about these two issues! Because it annoys us to be lumped in with some people that the world judges poorly. Does it mean you judge us too? Probably. Yes, I know that a lot of people do judge me based on their assumptions about fertility treatments, but I can still wish it would stop. I had no choice but to try everything they offered because my chances were pretty stinky. I beat the odds, but someone has to be the 1 in 100,000 who has 3 of 4 embryos implant. Someone has to be the 1 in a million who has 8 babies from 6 embryos, and you can't make that happen. It just does. And then you live with the consequences.

If I had it to do over again, I'd take my consequences any day. They're awful cute...


  1. Surprisingly enough, no stranger has ever asked my opinion on Octomom after noticing I have triplets in my care. I've been asked a few times "do you watch Jon & Kate + 8?" ... (because anyone with multiples MUST be watching, right?)... I did find the question annoying because it just doesn't matter. If I do watch, am I learning anything useful? NO! If I'm not watching, am I missing anything important? NO! Does a television show that these babies don't even know exists effect their lives? NO! ....Might as well ask if I prefer cats or dogs... it just doesn't matter. I wonder if it's just small talk. People want to speak with the amazing woman with triplets and don't know what else to say...?

  2. I always suspected that people were stupid. The fact that they think you are some sort of expert on every damn set of multiples in the world just confirms it.

  3. Well said! And, I know how you feel because I seem to be the just-ask-her-authority on what black people think. I guess I'm what you call the "resident black person" which is sad b/c I am not the stereotypical example by any stretch of the imagination. I feel all bad for giving people bad info sometimes since I tend to be insensitive to "black" issues and highly difficult to offend. So, if you want the perspective of someone multicultural feel free to ask me, but take what I say with a grain of salt, because I am no expert. Wanna know how to incorrectly socialize your child or the best way to piss people of with your blog? Now, those are questions I can expertly answer:) It was the worst in college b/c people would look over for my thoughts when we started our discussions about what kids from the ghetto experience in school (I was a teacher). All I could think was, don't look at me, I'm not from the hood; the hood is SCARY, man!