Great expectations

People generally expect that women who've gone through IVF are so much more grateful for their children (or should be) than those who didn't. One would also assume that they would be so over ready to be parents that they enjoy every second or perhaps savor the time with their baby (or babies) because it's that much sweeter. Lord knows that once you've been told your chance to have a baby with your own DNA in them is less than 20% and then you end up with not just one, but three, you might feel extra blessed and be able to overlook all the hard parts.

Well, no. You can't overlook the fact that with three babies at once you can't give any one of them enough time when they're crying and at least one of them will be crying at every given moment. You can't overlook the fact that sleeping through the night is almost impossible when there are three different individuals on their own time frame having at least one bad night out of three like any normal baby. The likelihood of all three having the bad night on the same night and then sleeping peacefully for two in a row? Impossible. Yes, I feel incredibly lucky I don't have to do IVF ever again and that I got the 'perfect family' all at once, but dude. I am so tired.

I hate the fact that I count the minutes until bedtime starting only seconds after they get up from their afternoon nap. Sure, they're fun, playful, and generally in a good mood after the nap, but then comes the 5-10 minutes before dinner when they all lose their minds because they know I'm in the kitchen preparing it. Then there is the exhausting process of bedtime itself, changing three kids, wrestling them all into pjs when they just want to play. If it's a bath night, wrestling a wet and naked kid on the bed while trying to lotion and diaper and keep them from sticking their fingers in the Desitin. Three times.

I keep waiting for the lightning to strike me. The magical fairy dust that will make me sit still and realize what a wonderful life I have right now. Sure I'm fat, tired, overwhelmed, overworked and still have a crazy mom, but I have three incredible human beings who are growing in fascinating ways every day and who all seem to really like me. Is it a matter of sleep? If I just get 3 nights of good sleep will my attitude change? Or is it an age thing, once they start talking and we can do more things together? Or am I just the kind of person who always looks to the future, to a time when things will be better or different, just like I've always been? I couldn't wait to be in college, out on my own, 25, 30, married, pregnant, now I can't wait to have teenagers? Because I don't want to miss this cute stuff. I don't want to look back with regret on today and think, I should not have been counting the minutes until bedtime, I should be counting the minutes until they wake up from nap so I can see them.