The blob

Why am I always hungry? I'm no longer pregnant or breastfeeding. So what's my excuse? Tapeworm? But then I'd be thin too. This post pregnancy belly? Large.

Yesterday someone posted on the multiples group I belong to about getting a tummy tuck and someone else provided a link to a doctor's website. For the first time I took a look. It's not that I'm against the tummy tuck, I fully expect to get one, but I've always said I have to lose the weight first before I 'deserve' to get surgery.

But now I'm changing my mind. I mean they often include lipo in the tuck process anyway since people like me who have all their fat in their stomachs can never really get a flat one without anorexia. And the website talked about loose abdominal muscles due to pregnancy that need stitching together to be flat again. And I thought 'Hmmmm, what if my big old sticky outie stomach is really damage due to pregnancy and not due to my laziness?'

Oh, it was a remarkable concept. I mean I had strong stomach muscles always in the past. And right now? I can't suck it in to save my life. However, it is about twice as big with fat as it used to be too. So, perhaps I've just found a pleasant excuse? The funny thing is I'm not fat all the way around, no spare tire. Just on the six pack area. (Great for heart health, I know!) So maybe if I get these abs shored up with some stitches I'd already be in better shape? And I could coincidentally get that lipo and the extra skin cut off and.....and....maybe I could also fly like superman?

Where is the money for this? Not in my possession. Where is the time to recover from surgery? Not available. Where is the strength of spirit to put myself through what is no doubt painful as hell surgery for just vanity? Not quite present so close to the c-section of doom two years back.

And really? Where is the strength of spirit to love my pregnancy torn body just the way it is, all poochy and stretched out and discolored with stretch marks and spider veins and so on. I have a long way to go to like what I see again. And I'm not usually in favor of plastic surgery when you hate yourself (or the way you look) I'm more in favor of it when you have done all you can the exercise and diet way and need a little help, like with excess skin or droopy post breastfeeding boobs. That I would forgive myself for.

Oh but the vanity. I want to look good now. I don't have the energy and sometimes don't have the time to even go for a walk for myself. I survive lack of sleep and rotten disobedient children by eating brownies. I am steadily gaining more weight after losing the pregnancy weight back to my already overweight size before this last kid. So I'm way bigger than I've ever been. And while I hide it sometimes successfully, I know it's not healthy. But it would be so much easier to have it taken away in a quick surgery by someone! (insert whine here)

Ok, so maybe I have a goal to reach for. I have always said if I work out steadily for a year, and eat well, I can have the surgery. I do feel justified to lose this extra skin the triplets left me with on my stomach. I just have to empty it of fat first. I might feel justified to hitch up the boobies if they deflate too much. I just will have to rob a bank or something.

Or get someone to buy my stupid house!