Things NOT to do when trying to sell your house:
1. Believe it will sell quickly
2. Move into a tiny apartment with you 4 children because your house will surely sell fast if there are no children in it.
3. Pay lots of money to stage the house because it will make you hundreds of thousands of dollars more than you paid for the house. No really.
4. Pack lightly, like you were going on a vacation, because you'll only be in the apartment for 2 months max.
5. Don't bring the hand-me-downs for the baby because surely you'll have your stuff back in 2 months.
6. Put every decision and choice on hold because you'll be moving into your 'real house' soon and can do it then.
7. Continue to remember that every day you are in the apartment you are at LEAST 35 days from moving because that's how long it would take MINIMUM to get to closing if you got an offer on your house today.
8. Delay potty training your children until you are in your new house because you don't want them having accidents on the rental furniture or carpets.
9. Choose an apartment that is in the middle of a steep hill and the middle of nowhere so that any time you choose to walk your baby anywhere it involves an arse kicking climb and nothing to look forward to at the end.
10. Bother to even look at houses to buy since you can't buy them.
Please lord. Please sell my house and let me move into a real home. Please?