Things I never thought I'd do

1. Try to guilt trip my children into going to sleep.

2. Yell at my children until the veins in my head throb frighteningly.

3. Negotiate with my children when I've told them to do something and they say 'No.'

4. See that my daughter is looking at me with the face of "I hate you with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns" and bust out laughing because I recognize that look.

5. Talk about my children when they're in the room like they're not in the room and can't understand English.

6. Decide that they can beat each other to death if they really want to after breaking up the 300th fight.

7. Feed them mac and cheese 2-3 nights a week because I'm tired and uninspired to make something more fancy and nutritionally useful.

8. Wrestle with them physically when they defy me on something that has to be done, like a diaper change, or laying the heck down and going to sleep right this minute!

9. Say "Don't you talk back to me missy/mister!"

10. Buy so many toys that even after only bringing less than half to the temporary apartment we have 3 overflowing boxes worth. And I still keep buying. Why was that last dump truck so important?

11. Lose my sense of humor.

12. Count the minutes until a nanny shows up Monday morning to give me a morning off. Oh, and count the minutes until bedtime once they wake up from nap. Oh, and count the minutes until nap time. Oh hell, I'm always waiting for a break it seems.

13. Wonder if I'm cut out to be a mom.

14. Look at my 200lb body and ever expanding waistline and still eat that cookie.

15. Wish I had a hospital worthy disease so I could get some time to myself and maybe sleep.