Things I've learned while pregnant

1. Not all desserts without chocolate are without merit. While pregnant, chocolate becomes unattractive to me so I try desserts I never would have otherwise. They are good!

2. Large is relative. Thought I was large before? Huh uh girl.

3. Tequila should be drunk whenever possible. You don't know what you've been missing until it's gone.

4. 9 months is really 40 weeks. That's 10 months people. How fair is that?

5. Small portions can satisfy. Although you'll have to eat again in an hour and a half, but you know....

6.  I'm not usually that short tempered. Compared to now that is.

7. Fresh fruit is damned good! Why can't I remember this when I'm not trying to eat well? Why can't the pre-cut stuff in the store taste as good as good as the stuff I have to peel and dice?

8. Things that look and smell bad? May actually taste great. Don't trust your nose.

9. Massages are necessary for existence.

10. Anyone can make you cry. Anyone.

11. It's bad to be a needy cat in a house with triplets and a pregnant mom. You're screwed.

12. No mattress solves every problem. Don't spend the money.

13. Men find any distortion of your body attractive. You're a girl. With boobs. Get over it.

14. You think your boobs hurt when you're on your period? Try pregnancy. Exponential growth is not your friend.

15. Big boobs will get you stared at on the street, regardless of the size of your abdomen. I mean really?

16. I apparently get obsessed by boobs myself.

17. Thoughts about what you would do if your husband died 4 days before you gave birth are bad for getting to sleep. Would I get Cobra coverage? Who would I scream at in labor? Why am I even thinking about this?

18. Sleep is the nectar of the gods. Don't take it for granted!

Slacker Sunday photo

Glimpses of future teenage 'looks'

"That's so dumb mom, what are you talking about?"

"Oh this is gonna piss mom off so bad!"

Blog-itis

Wow, I lost a lot of readers by taking a vacation only months into blogging my life away. Makes me feel like no one's reading anymore. And I have to say, my latest post have not been brilliant. I feel sometimes like pregnancy has dulled my brain. I used to be funny. But perhaps I'm forcing it somehow. Trying to write something funny every day (with the usual allowance for a poignant post now and then) is hard. And when you first visit your favorite bloggers for inspiration only to find them inspired beyond your abilities? ugh.

I am slowly figuring out I'm not going to be a writer. I'm not going to be Dooce (Heather Armstrong) and make posts so freaking hilarious that people laugh out loud on the metro reading them. And then get a book contract off of my blog and start making thousands of dollars a month from the blog itself. I just don't think I'm worthy. I can't blog 3 hours a day, let's face it. Even if I could find 3 hours, my brain is barely functional and I need to nap. Not that days like Thursday, when not one, but two of my children conspired to make my nap impossible because they refused to confine themselves to the parameters of their nap, are common, but in reality, napping the minute the babies nap? Is seemingly unrealistic.

Apparently my nap schedule is somewhat inconveniently timed. The babies go down at 1, I get tired at 3. Plus I have to eat lunch twice between 12 and 4 because the alien apparently gets hungry then. So blogging all afternoon is not going to happen. So I blog first thing in the morning, seemingly common to most bloggers as I see their posts time stamped 4:18am quite frequently. But I can not get up earlier than I already do. Aliens need mom to be horizontal for a lot of the night, even if they can't actually sleep because there is no comfortable position left or the pregnancy hormones are causing their brain to run on overload. So an afternoon nap would be fantastic. It's what I did with the triplets. I had the craziest dream filled naps when I was able to sleep at 3pm when my body wants to. And I still could go to bed at 9 and begin the process of sleeping for an hour, trying to find another comfortable position, sleeping for an hour, peeing, sleeping for an hour and so on.

Oh for the days when I could just be pregnant and not already be the mom of triplets. Seems like heaven now even though you know I complained straight through that period. You'd think having been able to watch every tv show I'd never watched as a kid would have compensated for the discomfort, wouldn't you? Now I'm lucky if I get to catch up on my dvr'd Project Runway shows. And did anyone see the maternity competition last week? Hilarious that one dude thought a woman might find it appealing to dress like a chicken with an egg hanging from a sling on the front of them. Dudes are really dense sometimes.

But I digress. Perhaps I need to put less pressure on myself to create every day. But I worry that I'll lose even more readers if I go to every other or three day posts even if they are more creative and wittier. And I also think I'll probably get lazy. If I don't 'have' to post every day, why would I post every other day? And what if I'm not any funnier? Ack. I think I've just hit discouraged. There are so many funny blogs out there who have found a great niche or just are plain hilarious about inane stuff that any hope of becoming 'somebody' on the blog circuit is hard to maintain. And this whiny blog entry isn't going to help....

deviant defiance

Defiance. It's amazing how young this process begins. I apparently have one very defiant child in my threesome and I'm still hoping it's just a phase, but really? It seems pretty serious. This young man will look right at me while I'm screaming all red in the face for him NOT TO THROW THAT TOY OVER THE BALCONY and smile and drop it. Right over the edge. Right over the edge of my sanity.

Two days ago at dinner I watched as he picked up a piece of watermelon, dangled it over the edge of his tray, and stared me down while I repeated the warning not to drop his food at least 88 times. After I stopped wasting my breath we remained locked in a stare down. Him, with his arm still straight out over the edge of the tray, ready to drop the watermelon, me, slowly growing in amazement over his defiance. The main problem is? It's kinda funny too. Staring contests are apparently not mine to win with this kid. I think I lasted a whole minute, but it was the longest minute I've ever lasted and then I had to laugh. I mean really? You're going to look right at me and do it anyway? Who are you?

I guess I figured I had a few more months before the brain process that leads to defiance of mom was going to develop. I certainly didn't realize 18 month olds already possessed the ability to tune me out when they don't want to hear me telling them not to rip the toy out of their sister's hands, don't take the toy, B I'm talking to you, WHAT ARE YOU DEAF?

I'm still praying it's a phase and this is not just me discovering which of my three children are going to drive me the craziest from here on out. I mean he's cute and all but my blood pressure is supposed to remain steady while pregnant. Deliberately defying me and ignoring my hollering? Not a good prescription for calmness. Not that he cares about the alien in my belly. At 18 months, triplet or no, I think it's pretty much all about you. And being a tripet? Isn't terribly fair because nothing is just yours is it? All toys get shared all the time. And why is it that the one toy you always want is the one your sister or brother is playing with? Sucks doesn't it? Ah well.

So I am trying to maintain the positive attitude that this is a temporary curse. Although by the 18th fight over a toy that I break up in one single day I am no longer able to follow the sane advice given by childhood development experts that says I'm not even supposed to scold them for not sharing because it's not an intentional thing that they could understand anyways. I'm just supposed to catch them sharing and praise them. For goodness' sake. When they're quiet and happily sharing? I'm resting! For 30 seconds! I'm not going to keep vigilant when I could be sitting down for a moment just so I can catch them behaving well! Give me a break!

Oh, being a triplet must suck. Even mommy can't do the right things. There's just too many of you. Sorry kids.

Play with me?

One of the problems with having multiples is relating to your friend moms with just one baby at a time. The difference between how they live their lives and me is incredible. They can strap on the baby and go shopping, to the zoo, to their friends houses and life goes on. They can miss a nap, nap on the run, and breastfeed on the go or share their lunch with the one kid while successfully eating enough themselves.

I can do none of this. In order to go somewhere to visit, shop or whatever, I have to pack 3 kids worth of emergency supplies, food and the brain I keep in cold storage most days. I have to use a stroller the size of a semi. I can not stroll or browse happily through your average store with this stroller as I generally knock people into the racks or, in fact, the whole rack over as well. It is a production. As for trying to share a lunch with three ravenous kids? There is no time to stick a bite in my mouth, and growing the new alien makes that vitally important. And we have already talked about naps. I will NOT have three babies with missed naps. So the nap schedule is written in stone. They do not nap well in a stroller so we need to be home for naps. Early on, this meant I rarely left the house. Naps were three times a day, so by the time everyone was changed, dressed and strapped into the stroller or car to go somewhere it was nap time again. Not really worth it eh?

So I digress. The point is playdates. I have managed perhaps 3 in the 18 months my children have been alive. And its all been those mammas coming to my house, not vice versa. (Ok once I worked it out to go to the east bay to visit a twin mom because they could nap on the way there, visit, then nap on the way home. That worked.) But I'm sure my friend moms wonder why I'm so antisocial. I'd love to jump in the car and meet them at the zoo. I'd love more mommies together time. I'm desperate to join a mom's group and hang out and chat while the kids play together. But I feel stuck. Until we're all down to one nap a day it seems impossible. And with the variance from kid to kid of when and how often they nap until sometime around 2, it's just not working.

Oh how I long for a neighbor mom with the exact schedule I have. Oh how I long for a mom friend who doesn't give up after trying to schedule 8 times with me only to find our naps conflict and me unbending in my scheduling. I'm sorry friends. It's really necessary to be this uptight. I swear. You'll find with kid #4 I will be more flexible. That poor kid is going to be sleeping on the run most of their life. Or running to catch up to their triplet siblings. But one overtired kid? Will seem like a walk in the park.

We are finally at a time when it is more likely to work, this playdate thing, but I think I've lost all my possibles by now. I mean they waited a year and a half. But I still can't really be spontaneous. Every day is pretty well planned in advance. It kind of has to be doesn't it? Because spur of the moment with three kids usually ends up with no diapers, wrong clothes and lunch forgotten on the kitchen counter.

Not good. Not good at all.

Inspired by mamakat's writer's workshop

Scary Mommy

I seem to have perfected the scary mommy routine. That does not mean it's always effective. But when it is? It's gooooood.

When B decided to climb over his pack n play crib edge and wander to the top of the stairs in our vacation home the other night, I first got scared. Then I got mad. The second time he jumped out of bed while I was waiting in the hall, I got mean. I stuck my face so close to his and I told him never, ever to do that again. Apparently it worked. I also removed the mattress from his crib as well as any stuffed animals which could be used as stair steps to get out of bed. But the next night when I put it all back in? He stayed put.

Yesterday, when all three of my children were fighting over every single thing, including every toy they had not seen in 10 days upon returning to my house and had, within 20 minutes, driven mommy completely over the edge? I revved up the mean mommy and hollered. Wouldn't you know it? They stopped what they were doing. Stared at mean angry mommy. Made me feel like crap. Then went right back to what they were doing. But at least I know I can get their attention.

Sometimes.

Other times its like I'm talking to the wall. I could scream at the top of my lungs and not a reaction could be seen. Not a twitch of an ear. Not a turn of the head. Which does not make mommy quieter.

So, perhaps we're at 50/50 success rate with the mean mommy act. I just have to force myself not to use it too often as we are moving into prime defy mommy age. Otherwise it will lose its power. Such that it is....

Homecoming

Well, we made it. 10 days in the sweltering/freezing mecca of nothing that is Forestville on the Russian River. When we first arrived, as you could tell by my post, the house seemed like a disaster. I always amazes me how photographers know how to make a place look huge and then you get there and it's a box. I was horrified to find a tiny living room, dirty floors, dark bedrooms and so on. But the house grew on me after a bit. It turned out to work out ok in terms of layout. Childproofing was a bit hard but we figured things out and we settled in. The kids really didn't even act funny the first night or day like it was strange we were in a new place. I was shocked, but I guess we tired them out at the pediatrician that morning so they went to sleep and slept well. The best a mom can hope for the first night at a new place.

I am wondering how to make this blog funny. So far, just ho hum.

I think I'll have to be funny starting tomorrow when I start relating anecdotes of our trip. Suffice it to say, plenty of funny things happened and some unpleasant ones too, but not many. I learned that I can survive days upon end without a nanny, although I had a lot of help obviously. I bonded better with the kids, although I may have been witnessing the beginning of separation anxiety as J spent 70% of his time in my lap and whimpered at the door to the kitchen when I was in there. We had some major behavior issues with B who has become quite defiant, but let's cross our fingers that its a phase. A is definitely hyper active and literally can not sit still if she's not sleeping. God help us all.

I've been struggling with coming back here and going back to the routine of letting someone else have the 'fun' part of the day with the kids most days. I mean we go out and do things in the morning with the kids, not much in the afternoon. The other option is to start doing things in the afternoon but if they nap well there's only an hour and a half before dinner really. What can we do in that amount of time? And I get so slow having run errands myself all morning, its hard to do something with all three kids in the afternoon. On vacation we did stuff in the mornings and let the kids play on the deck in the water table or pool in the afternoons. I sat and recovered from the morning. I then had energy to cook actual meals in the evenings. If I run all day? Not a chance I'll make it. So then I'd have to take the whole day with the kids in order to do the fun stuff with them. But I can't really do it alone. Going to the zoo with three mobile kids sounds like ultimate stupidity. And I can't see myself making the nannies take me with them since they'd probably rather hang out with their other nanny friends.

I don't know. I am only going to get more pregnant and less able as time goes on. Another thought I had was taking one kid at a time some mornings of the week for one on one time. I am not sure if they would miss each other or not. Perhaps they prefer each other to me? You just never know.

So, I return with much to reconsider and think about. But it was lovely to put the kids to bed and then have a great deck with a view to sit on and watch nature. As long as you were willing to ignore the trucks and semis and motorcycles with no mufflers that were constantly filling the quiet air with their noise pollution. We won't come back to this place but we will find a place nearby and without traffic noise to return to. All in all, a successful trip!