Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dearest Mommy

Dear mom,

I know that once upon a time you had two children of your own. Clearly, we must have come from you because I look like you for sure. I am quite certain that during our toddler years we resided within a reasonable distance of you as I did not have nannies or grandparents to whom I ran instead of you. Now I know it's been a long time, I'm an old woman myself, but I think most parents remember their childrens' early years with some fondness or at least some detail.

So how is it that you turned to me two days ago, when two of my three were fighting to be on my lap to be read to, and said "insist that they sit with me and read a book."


How, pray tell, would you like me to 'insist' to a child of 20 months that they sit with you? Logic? Force? Cookies? Well that last one might work, the attention span of said child might only last the length of the cookie so I'm guessing it would be limited in its success.

So I tried to explain to you that I had been gone 4 days and naturally the kids wanted to sit in my lap and it was definitely nothing personal about you that caused them to do so. I came up with what I thought was a brilliant parallel to explain by saying that even when there were 100 other toys in the room (oh yes, I MIGHT have bought that many in the early days before we ran out of money) the children generally could be counted on to fight over that ONE particular toy that one child got ahold of first. Your response? "Yes well they should not fight over toys."


Wait. Did you just say, mother of two children who I can personally testify did fight over every last and blasted thing on the planet, they "shouldn't?"

What rule book did that come from? What means this "shouldn't"? Children with children sized brains and egotistical mindsets of the typical child should not fight over toys?

Ok, you are disqualified from the judging of children from here on out. Because your rule book? It was written by aliens or something. Or old people who have forgotten what children are like. And I can no longer help you if you continue to compete with me over my own childrens' attention and yet expect them not to be competitive with each other over their one and only mother.

You, my dear mom, are going to have to chill.


  1. Let's say it together: Bat. Shit. Crazy.

  2. oh dear! I sometimes think we do forget as we grow older, but at the same time, I think we need to be wise to give advice and to think twice before we open our mouths.....


  3. yikes. My dad has some crazy parenting ideas and very little patience either.. I say the same thing- uh- do you not remember having small children?? I know you worked a lot but, seriously- this is what KIDS DO!

  4. hahahaha...they shouldnt fight over toys. Did you not know? They should also get jobs, and feed themselves. Those things are as likely as not fighting over toys so it makes sense. LOL. ,

  5. I consider Mimi a huge parenting help, but from time to time she just doesn't get it. For example (as discussed on my blog today), she really believes that my I am a backwards imbecile if I can't potty train my kids by 18months. She also has little understanding about the stresses of three kids close in age of the same gender. She had two and we were a full 6 years apart, plus he's of the lesser gender. In my opinion, no comparison.