I am so not an infant lover. I hate this part as much as I did last time and I thought it might be different with one. If anything it sucks more because it's even clearer how poor a job I'm doing satisfying him. This guessing game? I suck at it. Is he hungry? Gassy? Uncomfortable? Sick? Binky? In the mood to play? Overtired? What? How the heck do you know? It's all the same: he cries! Not a lot, mind you, because I seem to have pooped out a pretty quiet kid so far, but what do the cries mean? When he just ate an hour ago, why is he not asleep? When he just slept for 10 min, why did he wake up?
I have made it my business to anticipate everyone's needs in the general area all my life. I am good at it. I read people, facilitate their lives, smooth their ways, comfort and guide them successfully. But infants? Not so much. No telling if I am hitting it unless he passes out suddenly. And that is rare. I hate this. I hate it hate it hate it.
And I want to enjoy this. I know so many people who love the infant stage. They're all snuggly and huggable and whatever. People? I just want him to talk to me and tell me what the hell I am supposed to be doing right now. Why it's been 5 hours without a consecutive hour long nap. What he needs right this instant so I can finish my blog. I want some communication here. Is that so much to ask?
I would love to just let it go and ride it out. And maybe if I only had him I could. But there are two problems: I know how long this stage lasts from the last time and I can't rest in between 5 hour rounds with him because I have 3 other children to care for.
This makes me panicky. I know I should take it one day at a time. I know I should abandon all hope for a rest for a few weeks. But I can't do either. I fight it and fight it and fight it.
I should stop fighting. But I don't know how.