I am a fantastic crisis manager. I love having more to do than time allots, I loved jobs that were running from minute one to the end of the day each day, I could multitask like nobody's business.
I suck eggs at limbo.
So here I was, leaving my OB appointment yesterday trying to figure out why I was so depressed I could barely put one foot in front of the other. Stupid, considering it was a great appointment. I am basically back to being a 'normal' pregnant woman with some pregnancy induced hypertension. Fantastic news eh? Nothing really to worry about as long as I take my blood pressure medicine. I am no longer in crisis mode with a possible pre-eclampsia on the horizon (not that it couldn't happen but it clearly wasn't happening like we feared) and a c-section inevitable.
I now have the usual 4 week window during which I could give birth at any time. I mean, ANY TIME. Who the hell knows when this kid will make his entrance? Could be early, could be late. Could be VBAC, could be c-section. Could be emergency, could be planned (if we get to 42 weeks and see no action.)
Folks, this makes me nuts. I can't plan! How do you plan for that?
Oh poor Mira, you're thinking, while people are dying in Haiti she's all at loose ends and can't make her birthing experience into a controlled situation.
Sigh. I know. It's crazy. But I SUCK at limbo. I suck at hanging out here waiting to see what happens. I am not as good at emergency preparedness as I am at right in the thick of the emergency dealing. And having had a whole not-normal pregnancy before, I am uncomfortable being told just to go about my life. It's just weird. Something has to be on the edge of going wrong, doesn't it?
So, I ate cookies and cried a bit yesterday. Not easy to understand seeing as how those around me would see cause for celebration over my normalcy. And you know what else sucks? My best crisis partner was my dad. While I was in crisis mode last month over my pregnancy seemingly going down the tubes I missed him like all get out. No one better to bounce ideas off of and tell of my success in handling tough situations. In fact it was quite funny to me that the minute my bp went up the person I wanted to talk to about it was dad. Those things are always amazing about mourning people. The strange things that make you think about them and suddenly the ton of bricks hits you in the face again at a truly odd time.
I wanted to share my crisis with dad, now I have no crisis. I am just a typical pregnant lady with no crazy stories and nothing to deal with or handle or prepare for. Other than pushing a kid out at some point. It's just odd being normal.