Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Mommy's not enough

I just don't understand certain things sometimes. For one, why I don't have that magical mommy touch that makes everything better for my children yet. I don't mean it really cures things, just that somehow it should make them feel like everything is better just because I'm there. I am hurting right now because it happened again.

Because my mother brought another illness into my house I have three sick kids, right? They are doing their thing where they each have a terrible night and tonight is B's. He was up there since bedtime hacking and coughing and sometimes whimpering because he can't sleep in between all the hacking and coughing, naturally. Finally, he's outright crying, and who would blame him, he's exhausted. So I grab my Children's Motrin and a syringe and head up there to medicate him, hoping it would make his cough calm down or at least soothe his throat.

Well, first you have to get the medicine in them. And why, when they are perfectly happy to swallow pink candy medicine during the day, are they so resistant once it's after bedtime? It's the same stuff, it's the same person giving it to them. I have yet to give them medicine that tastes bad so what's the deal with the refusal? So I struggle with him and eventually get the 5ml in him only to have him immediately cough and barf all over the place.

Now admittedly B has a talent for barfing. This boy cries until he barfs quite effectively, although it's tapered off a lot since infancy when he used to projectile vomit his formula seconds after you finished feeding him. But when he's sick? Watch out. Any excuse to vomit and he'll be the one doing it. But this is a stupid cold folks and the medicine tasted like freaking bubble gum. WHY DID YOU BARF???

So, now he's hysterical, I have to change him and the sheets and the other two in the room are asleep so I must maintain some way for them to stay that way or face the triple threat scream fest. I throw him in the next room pack and play and try to calm him down. That's failing so I go change the sheets and clean up in the nursery. I come back, change his pjs and try to calm him down.

This is where I run into the problem. I sit in a rocker, I soothe, talk, rock, try to find a nice position for him, all to no avail. He's hysterical unless I let him sit on my knee and play with the footstool. Why is laying against momma's breast while being rocked and sung to not the answer? Why am I not that person to him? And really very rarely to any of them?

I want them to relax in my arms and fall asleep while I rock them. They don't want any part of that. I want them to hear my voice and calm down, I want them to let me sing them to sleep. It makes me hurt and furious when it doesn't work. What did I do to create this?

I have an inkling it's because they're triplets and I couldn't do it much when they were infants. There was no rocking to sleep, there was a lot of singing but at some point they figured out singing translated as 'go to sleep' and even objected to that with wails now and then. I mean, I hear about people with single babies who have to slowly wean their toddlers off of needing to be rocked in their arms to sleep or something and I'm flabbergasted but it couldn't have happened with three, right?

So is that all it is? Or am I not warm enough, did I miss some key moment to show them this thing I can do, or is it not what toddlers want or what is it?

Because, honestly? It breaks my freaking heart. I want to rock them and soothe them after a sick moment or a nightmare. I want being held in my arms to be automatic comfort to them. I want a kid to fall asleep in my arms. I want to be that mommy. Why am I not?


  1. Before you totally beat yourself up on this, it's probably the age.

    They're just at that point where they are too squirmy and too independent for that stuff.

    They'll come around again. Until they eventually grow up to the point that mom embarrasses them. Then they never come back (but you have a few years to go).

  2. Wow Mira! You are speaking from MY heart! I have chalked it up to what 'The Mother' said above. But really thay have been that way since Day 1. I have probably never held one of them for more than 10 mins at a time. While other moms never put their babies down for 10 mins! Having triplets is a different world. You are blessed to have a singleton on the way. I promise your babies LOVE you very much!!

  3. Mira you are not giving yourself enough credit. I can assure you that when one of mine gets himself into such a tizzy its next to impossible to soothe him. Mine are not really snugglers either. They have their moments and they liked to by rocked by DADDY (rip mommy's heart out why dontcha) before bed but thats it. Speaking of which, where was daddy? Was he out of town?

  4. It's a multiple thing...don't beat yourself up. I was never able to hold and rock one to sleep without the other going nuts wanting the same attention, so no one got rocked. now they find little comfort in being held when they are sick, sleepy or asleep...but I think somehow, in the long run, I think they are better for it.

  5. I agree with everyone else. Mine hate it. I do good to get a hug. But when they are sick they pretty much want me to leave them alone! I try not to think about all the stuff they/I missed because they were triplets!

  6. First off, I totally feel for you...what an awful night!!!

    But what I really wanted to say is that maybe it is just the personality of your kids. I have two always pushes me away and maintains a huge personal space (even when she is upset) while the other could hug and cuddle all day long. It took me a while to realize this difference, and I have had to find other ways to soothe my oldest. It's so hard being a mom and figuring all of this out!!

  7. I agree with everybody else that some kids are snugglers and some are not. What I want to address is the barfing after getting medicine! What the heck? One of mine will barf (all over me, herself and everything in the nearby vicinity) every single time I try to give her medicine!!! It's crazy! Recently, the only way she'll take it is if I put it in her bottle, but I know I can't do that I hope we are not screwed from every being able to reap the benefits of medicine!

    Hang in the, Mira!