Guest as a dirty word

My definition of a guest is anyone who doesn't live in my house who comes to visit. That seems reasonable doesn't it? My mother disagrees. Apparently calling her a 'guest' offends her. Let's see how this plays out:

Friday, at the end of one of her thrice weekly visits to my house, I call her a cab like usual right at the dot of 5 because basically I can't wait to get rid of her. The cab arrives, and I holler at her to get out like usual. She says "oh, I don't need a cab today. My friend is picking me up." Hmm, well there's a cab sitting outside right now, what the heck am I supposed to do about that one? Now she knows bloody well I call her cab every time without talking about it, it's a routine. She's been at my house for 2 hours, when was she going to tell me she didn't need one? Oh, apparently later.

So I dismiss the cab and come back in and ask her exactly when is this friend coming. "I don't know." Um, what? Well could ya find out? I asked her how late, she said no later than 6 but she didn't know for sure. Now it already annoys me to have her here 5 minutes later than usual, so an hour is starting to itch. I know way too well that she might be wrong so I decided to call her friend myself. Oh, he's not picking her up until 7. Ish.

ho ho hooooooold on a minute here people.

She's staying 2 hours late, without asking? Um. NO.

My head pretty much explodes and I yell at her that she can't just stay 2 hours later than usual without even talking to me first. And I happen to include that she's a guest in my home in my tirade. Seems like a reasonable point?

It's not just about me not wanting her around, those of you with children must agree that having someone 'new' around at bedtime can screw up the whole damned thing. Jazzing my children up with strange energy right before bed is not something I'm generally agreeable to. Add in that it's a person I don't like spending extra time with and we're in totally unacceptable territory. So apparently I threw a big enough fit that she decided to go home first and be picked up there. I mean it's a 10 minute ride home for goodness' sake. What did she need to stay here for anyways?

So, as she's leaving, in a typical parting shot she turns to me and says "It just really hurts me that you keep pointing out that I'm a guest here." Like I keep saying I hate her and guest is another word for beeyotch. I mean honestly people? I'm not that subtle. If I meant the B word I'd use it.

I keep mulling this over because my immediate response was just to reiterate that she doesn't live here therefore she's a guest. What the heck else would I call her? I asked my MIL if she'd be offended to be termed a guest and of course she said no, but she is not the type to take offense honestly. And the truth is, mom is not right to think she can just show up here and do what she wants. It is my house. Staying 30 minutes late without asking? Not a problem, just irritating. 2 hours? Unacceptable. Get some manners lady.