My best friend texted me yesterday: "I hate that my boobs have fallen!" Folks? She's 31 and childless to date. Imagine how saggy her boobs might actually be. Right. Not saggy. And yet she's failed the pencil test apparently. For the first time. And this is a crisis.
Apparently she has never looked at my mother when they're in the same room together. My mom went through a period a couple of years ago where she didn't wear a bra for one reason or another. It terrified me.
People, her boobs were at her belly button.
Why is it, by the way, that one sees all these 70 year old women walking around without bras or if they have bras they should have been burned in the 60s? Do they really just not care anymore about what is happening on their chests or are they trying to scare the crap out of those of us who are younger? I mean, gravity is inevitable but you don't have to share its consequences! I think we got the idea when we were sneaking peeks at those National Geographic magazines back in grade school thank you very much. Boobs empty out and sag. Especially if you have lots of children. Got it.
And so it begins at 31 or 35 or whenever you've finished breastfeeding infant number x. Deflation. I don't care how perky you were, you ain't never gonna be again. Ok, maybe you A cups have a chance. Nothing for gravity to hang on to. But the rest of us?
And so I mustered up a little bit of sympathy for my young friend with the minutely drooping, young, stretch mark free boobs.
Ok I didn't. But I tried my damndest. I mean, even I have my limits. I'm guessing I'd terrify her if we shared a dressing room. Maybe I should so she would know how good she has it. But then again, we're trying to convince her that having babies is worth it. Might be a tad counterproductive to witness the wrath of breastfeeding?
Just wait until the first hair springs forth in a random previously hairless region girl. Then she can complain about the ridiculous things that happen when you get older. Then I'll have sympathy. Because whiskers? Are only cute on kittens.