Thursday, September 3, 2009

Play with me?

One of the problems with having multiples is relating to your friend moms with just one baby at a time. The difference between how they live their lives and me is incredible. They can strap on the baby and go shopping, to the zoo, to their friends houses and life goes on. They can miss a nap, nap on the run, and breastfeed on the go or share their lunch with the one kid while successfully eating enough themselves.

I can do none of this. In order to go somewhere to visit, shop or whatever, I have to pack 3 kids worth of emergency supplies, food and the brain I keep in cold storage most days. I have to use a stroller the size of a semi. I can not stroll or browse happily through your average store with this stroller as I generally knock people into the racks or, in fact, the whole rack over as well. It is a production. As for trying to share a lunch with three ravenous kids? There is no time to stick a bite in my mouth, and growing the new alien makes that vitally important. And we have already talked about naps. I will NOT have three babies with missed naps. So the nap schedule is written in stone. They do not nap well in a stroller so we need to be home for naps. Early on, this meant I rarely left the house. Naps were three times a day, so by the time everyone was changed, dressed and strapped into the stroller or car to go somewhere it was nap time again. Not really worth it eh?

So I digress. The point is playdates. I have managed perhaps 3 in the 18 months my children have been alive. And its all been those mammas coming to my house, not vice versa. (Ok once I worked it out to go to the east bay to visit a twin mom because they could nap on the way there, visit, then nap on the way home. That worked.) But I'm sure my friend moms wonder why I'm so antisocial. I'd love to jump in the car and meet them at the zoo. I'd love more mommies together time. I'm desperate to join a mom's group and hang out and chat while the kids play together. But I feel stuck. Until we're all down to one nap a day it seems impossible. And with the variance from kid to kid of when and how often they nap until sometime around 2, it's just not working.

Oh how I long for a neighbor mom with the exact schedule I have. Oh how I long for a mom friend who doesn't give up after trying to schedule 8 times with me only to find our naps conflict and me unbending in my scheduling. I'm sorry friends. It's really necessary to be this uptight. I swear. You'll find with kid #4 I will be more flexible. That poor kid is going to be sleeping on the run most of their life. Or running to catch up to their triplet siblings. But one overtired kid? Will seem like a walk in the park.

We are finally at a time when it is more likely to work, this playdate thing, but I think I've lost all my possibles by now. I mean they waited a year and a half. But I still can't really be spontaneous. Every day is pretty well planned in advance. It kind of has to be doesn't it? Because spur of the moment with three kids usually ends up with no diapers, wrong clothes and lunch forgotten on the kitchen counter.

Not good. Not good at all.

Inspired by mamakat's writer's workshop


  1. Mommies like you with multiples are so so inspirational to me. On days I think my toddler has pushed me THAT far, I think of you. Thank you! :)

    Stopping by from Mama Kat's!

  2. Just stopping in from SITS! You are super mom :)
    Come over and check out my "5 DAYS OF GIVE-A-WAYS."

  3. Now, let me get this straight. You take care of 3 kids at once and you are saying 1 over tired child seems like a walk in the park . . ?

    YOU ARE TOTALLY QUALIFIED TO SAY THAT!!!! I agree with the other two comments: you are doing awesome! I think you would find my friend's blog of interest: she has twin 2 year old boys and she is due an a couple months WITH THE SECOND SET OF TWINS!!!

    I couldn't do what mothers of multiples do. It is as simple as that!

    Thank you for stopping by my blog. As for why I still hang out with this person I have 3 reasons (1) she has other good qualities,(2) my daughter loves her kids, (3) she lives close. Oh well. I'm ungrateful too it seems.

  4. I totally hear where you're coming from! My triplets are FINALLY at an age where they can *sometimes* miss their nap, and make it through the day, so I am more able to do spur of the moment things! Hang in there! :)

  5. But the good thing about us triplet moms is they do have each other to play with - and always will. I long for my mom to be able to get to that comfort zone and take the babies out to a playgroup so she can get some adult conversation during the day. I still can't imagine how you are doing it with one on the way. You go girl!

  6. I understand. I would be terrified to leave the house with three kids all 18 months. Sometimes I don't want to leave with my two that are three years apart.

    Stopping by from SITS.

  7. I was rigid with my first daughter's schedule and there was only one of her. I can't imagine not being rigid with three of them! I would need that for my sanity.

    How old will the triplets be when the new baby is born?