Saturday, August 15, 2009

I'm too sexy for my pants

The annoying thing about starting off a pregnancy fat is that there is this really long period where you just look really fat instead of pregnant. Since my uterus is all stretched out already (nice image eh?) it popped out much quicker than it would for a 'normal' woman with one baby in her abdomen. That's nice because I like looking pregnant when I am since I can't have the words "I'm pregnant" tattooed across my forehead, what with the "I have triplets" banner already there.

But I just look fat. Because a baby bump under 3 inches of fat layer? Just jiggles like fat. And looks like a beer belly. I can look generally guessably pregnant if I wear a maternity top. The empire waist ones specifically, because the drape gives it a better shape. I also have to be careful not to wear anything with a tight waistband because then I get the delightful double roll look. But if I wear maternity pants with the stretchy band waist, I can create a smoother rounder look that impersonates a pregnant belly. But it ain't great.

And I'm at the stage where everyone knows better than to ask because it isn't grindingly clear that I'm pregnant. That only reaffirms my belief that some people think I might just be fat in a really strange pot bellied way. Good lord, if I'm ever fat and only in my belly region? Just shoot me. At least I should get some pleasure of beer drinking if I'm going to have a beer belly. Not that I like beer.

I'd also like to ask the gods how we could not have invented a pair of maternity pants, in this highly advanced society with all sorts of manmade stretchy materials that suck and tuck and tighten and tone and so on, that actually STAYS UP??? I mean I am walking down the street looking like some damned hoodlum idiot teenager because I'm all step, step, step, HIKE, step step step, HIKE with these damned pants. It is not attractive for a woman to be yanking her pants back up every 3 steps. And so my style-o-meter score has dropped yet again. And we didn't have far to fall. And at home? I'll be damned if I'm going to wear pants that fall off with every move I make. So I have resorted to constantly wearing 'leisure' pants again. Just like when I had newborns.

Makes me look hot for the mailman for sure.

That and the food stains and snot slime marks on my shirts.

I feel hot. Just sexy as all get out.


  1. You probably know about the Bella Band already. I bought one at Target right when my pants stopped fitting and wore it over my unbuttoned unzipped pants to keep them up. Now I wear it over my entire belly because it feels so much better and acts like an unconfining girdle to smooth it all out. Before I started wearing it every day, the skin at my belly button was stretching so much it hurt (much like all the skin on my stomach during the twin pregnancy). This time it is only at my belly button, but the Bella Band helps a lot! It was $15 and I really should go and buy 4 more of them instead of washing mine every 3 days, but I only have 4 more weeks to go so laundry it is.

    I think Gap Maternity also sells pants with full belly panels that basically go up to your boobs. I got a bag of free maternity clothes from someone on GGMG that had some gap pants in it with those. This person was a lot shorter and smaller than I though so I couldn't wear them long. Good Luck!

  2. Neither of those help me for some reason. I think I'm not big enough yet. Funny predicament.

  3. Mira I had the same problem with my second (singleton) pregnancy. God help me if I get pregnant again after the quads. (I plan not to be pregnant again, but I guess it could happen) You crack me up, keep up the writings, gives me something to smile at.

    Mary w/Quads(BBC)

  4. dang, blogger lost my comment; I was going to say in your "spare" time you could design such a pair of maternity pants that would stay up :) I don't have any advice to give you since I was never pregnant, but just hoping today is a good one for you :)


  5. You're so not alone. I had people asking me when I was 4 months pregnant with my second when I was due. And then the shocked look that followed that made me want to punch them in the face. In a friendly way, of course.